A single guy’s thoughts on intimacy in dating

intimacy purity dating

I was talking with a good friend of mine about relationships and dating the other day. Obviously, we went to the subject of intimacy at some point. Going there seems inevitable when talking relationships and dating.

“So tell me Lawrence,” my friend asked, “what kind of a person are you when it comes to intimacy in a dating relationship?” What my friend wanted to know is how I express myself here. My answer touched on a lot of things but among them was how I want to keep things pure so as to honour God. I said the furthest I will go with anyone as far as intimacy is concerned is a hug, holding hands, a kiss on the forehead, chick or hand. Only those things that are not likely to leave my girlfriend (and myself too – especially) sexually aroused. Nice right?! Not so much.

I’ve been thinking about that answer lately. This is just who I am and how I think when it comes to dating relationships. Prior to this conversation I never spoke about this openly with anyone. I guess that is the reason I’ve been thinking about it so much. A challenging thought struck me today: Why was my answer so focused on sex and the physical expression of intimacy? Is sex all there is to intimacy? That is why I said my answer wasn’t so good after all. Even though it is noble, it is mainly based on me doing everything to avoid sex while still being intimate.

My thinking wasn’t really noble because avoiding sex and its cousins isn’t all there is to keeping a dating relationship pure. Before we even get there, what is intimacy anyway?

If you’re to google intimacy, sorry dictionary lol, the first definition you’ll get is close familiarity or friendship. Below that definition you’ll get the synonyms. My favourites are; closeness, togetherness, companionship and friendliness. Interestingly enough, the sexual part of this comes later. Even google knows! Shame on you Lawrence – for thinking intimacy only relates to sex lol. Celibacy isn’t all there is to keeping things pure in a relationship.

In my own words, now that I’m enlightened, intimacy is a close friendship between two people that is characterized by a sense of togetherness. Since we are Christians we can add that this kind of friendship has serving and honouring God as its main goal. I believe this is how all our relationships should be like. Friendship, dating, courtship, marriage, familial you name it; our purpose must be Christ and expanding His kingdom. There isn’t much fun in this I know but there is joy.

Shame on you Lawrence – for thinking intimacy only relates to sex. Lol Click To Tweet

One can have fun doing just about anything. But joy is an experience that comes from doing something connected to your purpose. It’s an experience that you can only have when you do something intentionally.

I’m a really shy and reserved person. I don’t really like sharing things about myself like I’m doing now. But there is a joy that comes with knowing that I am sharing with you what God has given me to share with you. That joy motivates me to expose my shy and reserved self anyway.

I also feel this kind of joy, on a much higher level, when I’m winning souls. It’s something that I can not explain. If you’ve ever won souls you know what I’m talking about. I want to share that experience with whoever is going to come into my life – bae. I seriously need to stop using the word bae lol. I long for it – being intimate with my significant other in evangelism.

Imagine a day of evangelism with your king/queen in your neighborhood, town or city. You print flyers and gather everything you’ll need then hit the road. Just the two of you. Out on the street, yet right in the centre of God’s will. Imagine the joy and happiness that’ll fill your hearts as you do this! I guarantee that if you do this God Himself will see to it that nothing separates you two. Don’t you want that too? I sure do, with my whole being!

I have a longing to be intimate with my significant other in #evangelism. Click To Tweet

Am I suggesting that we all become pastors for God to save our relationships? No! God knows I have no desire to be a pastor myself, I would never push anyone to go that route. I’m only trying to draw your mind to some fulfilling and intentional ways of being intimate with each other.

I now view intimacy as bringing my partner into a place that I can only experience when I’m alone with God. There are times when I have private worship sessions where it’s just me and God. When I have these I get lost in Daddy’s awe-inspiring self. You’ll hardly see that part of me at church or when we are praying/worshiping as a group. It is special. But I want to share that with bae. That’s another way to be intimate with each other.

How about simply praying together? You’ve obviously heard this before, a family that prays together, stays together. You do hope to start a family together one day right? Start praying together now. One beautiful thing about prayer is it energizes you to effectively execute God’s will. All that energy and pent up sexual tension that might be there between you two will simply disappear when you pray together.

Intimacy is a close friendship between two people that is characterized by a sense of togetherness. Click To Tweet

Oh I know about it. We are sexual beings and because we’re in love we’ll have the urge to go there. Praying together is the simplest way to overcome that urge. I’ve discovered that when my prayer life is on point I don’t have the energy to go outside of God’s will.

When God is the author of your love story He’ll be rooting for you two to stay together more than you can ever imagine. Trust Him in prayer and He will show you more creative ways to be intimate without compromising your purity.

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2 Comments on A single guy’s thoughts on intimacy in dating

  1. I really learned a lot from this post, like u when I think of intimacy I think of the physical aspect but now I know better.

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