Lately, I’ve been battling anxiety for what the future holds which has led to worrying a lot. Even though I know too well that Jesus said we shouldn’t be anxious for anything, it’s been a struggle.
This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. But this time something beautiful emerged from it all: A heart that’s filled with praise, adoration and thanksgiving to God.
No one enjoys waiting, especially when waiting is the only thing you can do. In a number of ways I’m a control freak. I like to know where I stand and how things are going to play out so I can stay prepared for whatever outcome I’ll get. But this time I can’t. All I can do is wait. It’s quite easy to wait when you know the exact result you’re going to get after your season of waiting. It’s a completely different ball game when you don’t know and you can’t control it. Control freaks know what I’m talking about lol. It’s quite easy for a control freak to lose their mind when waiting. Why?
Because so many different outcomes play themselves out in our minds and we can’t really be sure which one to focus on. Having an overactive imagination like mine doesn’t help either. Eventually, we end up being a massive ball of anxiety, worry and the worst of them all – fear! It’s really not a fun place to be.
If it’s such a terrible place to be why would I thank God in it? Because through it all He hasn’t allowed me to worry nor fret. Plus scripture says count it all joy when you go through diverse tests. The other day I was walking home from town and out of nowhere I found myself lifting up my hands in worship to God. Right in the middle of the road! In one of my previous posts I wrote about how I like to keep my most intimate moments with God between me and Him. Of course, I lift up my hands in church and in the company of other believers (safety in numbers haha). But in the road? While walking by myself? Nah, never. That’s not me. But it’s been happening quite a lot… Because God!
When God gives you a desire to do something, go somewhere or be with someone; the enemy will attack it. That desire from God is a seed that He plants in you, and like every seed, it has to be watered with praise and thanksgiving for it to grow. And while it’s growing, you have to wait for the harvest. It’s quite common knowledge that where something has been planted/sown, weeds also sprout alongside it. Jesus told a beautiful parable about this in Matthew 13.
The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while he was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed also darnel (weeds resembling wheat) among the wheat, and went on his way. So when the plants sprouted and formed grain, the darnel (weeds) appeared also. (vv. 24-26) AMPC.
The weeds that the enemy uses to attack the good seed planted by God are anxiety, worry and fear. It doesn’t matter whether or not your desire (the seed) is from God, when you entertain anxiety, worry and fear that seed is going to die!
But thanks be to God who’s excited and invested in our success, joy and fulfilment more than we’ll ever be! One aspect of His glorious love I’ve come to experience in this season of waiting. I am 100% confident that what I’m waiting for is not only a desire of my heart, it is God’s choice for me. He wants to see it come to pass more than I do. So instead of letting me stand in the way of His dream for my success, joy and fulfilment, He has given me a way to make sure the enemy’s machinations against me won’t prevail.
He’s given me a heart of thanksgiving and a mouth filled with praise! I can not explain this, but whenever I find myself sliding into the horrible depths of worry and fear, my hands are up and I’m giving glory to God with one thought on my mind: Everything is working for my good. Earlier on I told you how I’m terrible at waiting, what I’m saying now is not me trying to paint this beautiful picture of perfect Lawrence. I’m not commending myself but rather God, Who’s working in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
What He’s doing in me He can do in you too. The struggle with anxiety and fear is very real. I know that very well. But like Jesus said in the parable, don’t pay attention to it, they’re just weeds. Refuse and ignore them!
Focus on watering your seed with your praise! Focus on the One who gave you that desire to do what you’re doing. He’s able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond what you can think, ask or imagine.
Trust Him, He’s got your back.